I'm still here...

Okay, so it's been supppeeeerrrrr long since I last posted...

I wish I could have a reason like:
I've been soo busy doing amazing things I just haven't had the time OR I've been busy with a new job that I love and that inspires me to work hard

BUT the truth...well, the truth is I've been in a blur of getting up each day and worrying, and stressing and trying to take steps to improve myself, my job prospects and essentially my confidence.
It has been hard, it still is, and sometimes I feel I've taken a step forward and then I go and push myself back further again.

Afraid, no self-esteem, no self-confidence, hopeless and full, oh so full, of worry! That is my feelings on a bad day, or a bad hour or a bad minute. I want to change these feelings, change the way I think about things, change my daily life and fears and I believe I can, I believe we all can.

So what's next? I don't know but let's try together not to worry!

There is always things to be happy about... http://www.thingstobehappyabout.com/index.php

Let go

  

Today...Let go.

Let go of your worries, of your fears, of your anxieties 

and Breathe....

You will be okay.

The Shadow of the Wind

I've recently finished reading The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafón and I thought I would reflect on it and give a short review on here.

The book follows Daniel on his quest to discover about the life and mysterious findings of the author Julian Carax after he chooses his book from the 'Cemetery of Forgotten Books'. It is a  book full of mystery and discovery and as you find out more  along Daniel's journey to discover the truth you become more intrigued into the characters lives and the secrets that have been hidden.

Carlos Ruiz Zafón is the perfect storyteller and his writing is remarkable. The book also celebrates and highlights the importance of literature with words reveling in the joy and the art of digging into a good book.

"Bea says the art of reading is slowly dying, that it's an intimate ritual, that a book is a mirror that offers us only what we already carry inside us, that when we read, we do it with all our heart and mind, and great readers are becoming more scarce by the day."

This quote from the book shows that we should celebrate literature and read more books- you'll never know what your heart and mind might discover! To books! :) 

Pick me up Playlist!

The sun is out and that generally means happier moods! Yay!

The sun makes us want to go outside in the garden, make a cool iced drink, listen to music and smile :)

However, sometimes there can still be a lot on our minds, we could still be feeling like my previous post...  Still. 

And so…it’s important that we pick ourselves up. I’m a big music lover and I believe songs can make us feel so much, make us relate to so much and can instantly change our moods. As a result of this I thought I would write a Pick me up Playlist of happy, encouraging songs so that people can choose to search, listen and possibly download and have their spirits lifted.

So here goes…

1)      Eliza Doolittle- Pack Up

I love Eliza’s laid back approach to her songs, it is perfect for summer days lounging about and the lyrics are positive too! “Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and bury them beneath the sea”

2)      S Club 7 – Bring It All Back

Going back to 90’s pop, this first single from S Club 7,  much like their other singles, is cheery and upbeat, an old classic! Again its lyrics are full of positivity and offer a release from any bad days or hard times. “When the world is on your shoulders just smile and let it go”

3)      Kelly Clarkson- People Like Us

Kelly loves her pop anthems and this song does not disappoint. This is another uplifting song that makes you want to dance about and sing loudly. It is essentially an empowering song for those of us who feel like outcasts, or generally feel alone and not able to ‘fit in’. “We are all misfits living in a world on fire”

4)      Avril Lavigne- Here’s To Never Growing Up

Another feel good tune this is about having fun, living in the moment and never growing up- yay! “Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs with the boom box blaring as we’re falling in love”

5)      Fall Out Boy- Young Volcanoes

Last but certainly not least is this song from the band who never fails when it comes to creating catchy rock songs with quirky lyrics.This is a really cool song and has been one of my favourites since discovering it a few weeks ago. “Tonight the foxes hunt the hounds, and it’s all over now before it has begun, we’ve already won”

Still.

Lately the feeling of being still has overwhelmed me.

What I mean by this is that I feel like I'm not going anywhere instead I'm stuck. I'm still.

I've always had a rule and I stand by this: that you should never compare yourself to anyone else, but it's really hard when you see friends, people your age, people younger who are going places, moving forward, working towards something and you are still.

 Having said that, we all have moments of overwhelming worry for the future and REALLY you should never compare yourself to anyone!! Not only does it not get you anywhere but there's a reason we're all different and we're all on different paths. I think it's useful to take a step back, to have time to yourself and to think what shall I do now?

I feel like I've wasted my time thus far and that I should have been doing something else but I can't change what I've done, I can only do something now and what I've realised is no matter what anyone tells you or how you feel if you do compare yourself to someone else (which you REALLY shouldn't :P) there is no rush to getting somewhere. Do small things, little by little, do things for you, follow your own advice as no one knows you better than you!

 Don't be pressured and make yourself happy the way you know how...x

Walking hey?

Walking.
Why walk?

I am a walker. I love a walk and although sometimes I can go days without going for a walk, or even weeks, when I am on a brisk walk it does lift my spirits. It gives me some clarity from a busy mind and it makes me feel like I am breathing in as they say the 'fresh air'. Even on my low, grizzly days it never fails to make me the teeniest bit better.

I recently read this article from the Guardian, http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2013/may/23/walking-works-why-sedentary and, although it is very much a case of each to their own, I would personally say that walking goes a long way to making me feel healthier and happier.

On my walks I embrace the music streaming through my earphones and I take in the nature all around me. "The Joys of Living in the Country"

Be yourself

It may be seen as a cliché but it is also a simple, important, valuable phrase we should remember and follow~
Be Yourself!!

How can you not be? Easy.
Society is influencing people everyday to behave in a certain manner, to do a certain thing, to follow a certain order. Friends, strangers, people all expect something out of you and it's so easy to give in to them and let them have it. It's easy for you to get influenced to change or even yourself telling you to change; you might not even realize it!

This quote captures the sentiment for "to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment"  
Let's try and be ourselves and not only that be happy with ourselves, happy with our choices, happy with our strengths and happy with our 'weaknesses'.

Be yourself.

Inspired Doodle

I am a hoarder. I attach myself to things and I'm very sentimental. As a result I have a lot of things that I do not need anymore; things I hold on to for memory's sake.

This afternoon, however, I cleared a few items from my wardrobe to give to charity. Each item held a memory. I remembered the time I wore them; I remembered my friends; the moments shared.

One of the t shirts I was giving away had an interesting pattern and I couldn't part with it without making a quick doodle so here is an inspired doodle from a sentimental t shirt...

Blazing light...

"To love beauty is to see light"

Chinese New Year

As today was Chinese New Year I thought I would mark it in my own way. I feel it's never to late in the year to reflect on what you want from life and to wipe the slate clean and hope for a new start.

These are my wishes for the year: Faith. Confidence. Strength. Positivity.

Here's to a good year for us all!

Little by little...

So earlier this week I had a snuggly day, listening to Oasis, eating chocolate coins and doing some uni work 'little by little' 

It  was a nice day even though I had work to do.  I was getting some of it done (although more work is needed to be done) and listening to music, singing aloud, all in the comfort of my home. Little things like this I take for granted. I take for granted the good in my life and I get caught up with the bad.

These simple things I did on this ordinary day are good things to do and I need to remind myself of good like this. So here's a snap to summarise... everything good :)

Ups and downs

Okay so this week as you can guess by the title has been full of ups and downs.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I make bad energy and negativity because of my own insecurity and it just makes everything worse. I just cause mess after mess. I have good days, lovely days, days that I should be grateful and thankful for and then I spoil things the day after. I don't mean to. I get upset, I get horrible feelings and I close up. People don't know how to act with me, don't know what to do and I cause all of this myself.

I want so badly to be loved, to have love all around me, to be a positive presence and to have positive energy around me. I still have that inside of me but it's not being showing itself for a long time. I'm afraid of losing it forever, I'm afraid of spiraling downwards further and further and I'm afraid of no one being here because I've pushed them away and made it unbearable to be with.

I just want things to be okay. Everything good...

Blogs!

I have always loved the world of blogs but recently I have really appreciated and found some truly lovely blogs that I enjoy reading,  that lift up my spirits and inspire me to be creative and honest and heartfelt with my own blog.

My posts have been infrequent and quite unsatisfying for me, although at the time of writing they had their place, I need to use this blog as a means to be POSITIVE or if failing that TRUE TO ME.

So today I will start my creative journey (no promises, plans often go awry)

ahhhhhh :)

mindless words

Stuck in a rut.

Lonely. Dislike.

Positive people, energy-none.

everything. overwhelmed.

No path. No road.

No help. not even myself.