Blazing light...

"To love beauty is to see light"

Chinese New Year

As today was Chinese New Year I thought I would mark it in my own way. I feel it's never to late in the year to reflect on what you want from life and to wipe the slate clean and hope for a new start.

These are my wishes for the year: Faith. Confidence. Strength. Positivity.

Here's to a good year for us all!

Little by little...

So earlier this week I had a snuggly day, listening to Oasis, eating chocolate coins and doing some uni work 'little by little' 

It  was a nice day even though I had work to do.  I was getting some of it done (although more work is needed to be done) and listening to music, singing aloud, all in the comfort of my home. Little things like this I take for granted. I take for granted the good in my life and I get caught up with the bad.

These simple things I did on this ordinary day are good things to do and I need to remind myself of good like this. So here's a snap to summarise... everything good :)

Ups and downs

Okay so this week as you can guess by the title has been full of ups and downs.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I make bad energy and negativity because of my own insecurity and it just makes everything worse. I just cause mess after mess. I have good days, lovely days, days that I should be grateful and thankful for and then I spoil things the day after. I don't mean to. I get upset, I get horrible feelings and I close up. People don't know how to act with me, don't know what to do and I cause all of this myself.

I want so badly to be loved, to have love all around me, to be a positive presence and to have positive energy around me. I still have that inside of me but it's not being showing itself for a long time. I'm afraid of losing it forever, I'm afraid of spiraling downwards further and further and I'm afraid of no one being here because I've pushed them away and made it unbearable to be with.

I just want things to be okay. Everything good...